Does anyone else have children teenagers and early twenties with parents going through a seperation?

My husband and I were married 25 years (big party in the summer!) and then I found out he had been having an affair for 3.5 years!! I admit to being blind to what I did not want to see with our relationship, but I honestly had no idea about the other woman, and their shenanigans. 3 daughters, 23, 21 and 18 who are devastated. Oldest one close to dad, being very mature and wanting to ensure that her relationship with him remains on a realtively even keel. Youngest one sees him when she wants something and his guilt usually ensures that she gets it! However the middle one has never been very close to him,and she is very angry and doesn't answer his calls or see him for longer than five minutes! This is very distressing to me whilst I am having to deal with my own sadness, anger and misery ( altho things are looking up!) Any ideas on how to help number 2? ThanksDoes anyone else have children teenagers and early twenties with parents going through a seperation?
Since your middle daughter has never been close to dad, its seems that she would be the one who is most angry. Hurt really. Daughters need a relationship with their dads. It sets the tone of how they will relate to the men in their adult lives.He wasn't there for her before, and now he has abandoned her for a strange women and dumping her mom in the process.He has set her up to fail at relationships. Its up to him to mend this. If he wants too. It seems that his own needs are most important, not his familys. I don't see him doing much of anything positive. Its going to be your job, to be strong for her. You can grieve but don't fall apart. The biggest influence(for everything else) in a girls life is her mom. She needs to see that what he did, does not change who you are. Continue to set a good example for her. There is nothing you can do to make her dad be a good father. He has failed all of you. Just love him, but not his actions and Get on with life.Does anyone else have children teenagers and early twenties with parents going through a seperation?
Going through the same thing myself!


WHY the hell should we worry about the damage caused by HIM?


But we do!


Cannot answer your question, but I am with you !


Hope it all turns out okay!
i haven't had to deal with this problem.


you should let her deal with it as she sees fit. she is 21.


try to get her into some counseling but right now you need to concentrate on your own well-being.


you have had a husband and 3 girls to concentrate on for so long now that you have probably ';lost'; yourself in the process.


get involved in things you are interested in (outside of the family)


if you find you don't have any then its high time you found some.


all three daughters are going to have to face the reality and just thank GOD that it didn't happen while the girls were still young and you would have had an even harder time trying to raise them on your own.


good luck.
Our stories are very similar, 25 years, 3 kids,another person, etc, only mine are 2 boys and a girl. The boys resent their mother a LOT! The daughter has accepted it much better, though it took 5 years or so before she did. It has been 12 years, and my boys never call their Mother or go see her unless I say, ';You ought to go see your Mama';! I have encouraged them to have a relationship with their Mother....for THEIR good. After all, she's Mama! As for your daughter, don't push her. Let her work it out in her own time and way. She might never accept what he's done, but then again, after a few years, she might. Just don't run your ex down to the girls......let them make their own decisions concerning Dad. Good Luck!!
She is old enough to form her own opinion...


Leave her alone..
Well, This is the same situation my mom was in. she divorced him though, my oldest sister who is 21 is uber tight with him and still talks to him and all, but me and my sister (16,18) rarely talk to him and we are pissed off too. I think you should just let her be, she will get use of the life he has been living. It may not be the same has before, but enventualy it will be all right.
Give her some time since she was not close to your husband she is most likely having trouble dealing with many emotions. When I went Thur this at the age of 34 my parents split, I had a hard time dealing with it and my anger was towards my mother.


I did not like seeing the hurt she had inflicted on my dad and so I kept myself distant for 2 years. finally the ice was broken and thank goodness we became friends again. It helped that my mother kept reaching out to me even thou I was not be accepting. If you talk to your husband on even terms tell him not to give up she will come around in time. She just needs to heal and come to terms with the issue. And by all means do not degrade your husband in front of her it just makes her feel more like having to defend you and this intern makes the walls a little thicker. Good luck.
I have been in the same situation having 3 children and husband leaving the eldest child keeps in touch but the middle one really has not time for his father. I know deep down he dont mean it but often talks with people saying his dad is dead which hurts me because at the end of the day its his father.He is involved with racing and sometimes sees his father their but chooses to totally ignore him. When he talks his got so much vengence in his heart, yet his such a loving person with alot of feelings. I suppose his sensitive to being abandoned as a young boy growing up when all his friends had dads he needed his also. Let ur middle child come to terms with the situation and will then eventually make up their own minds. The youngest daughter of mine never sees her dad has no intentions either. I know ur hurting but just accept each and everyone of us has our own way of dealing with hurt. I sincerely wish u luck.